Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Sunday, July 31, 2005i just came back from macs! you know, tampines mart has become way cool, cause now, the macs is opened 24 hours, how cool can it get right. haha! so i went down to study, and ya, just got home, guess i'll be turning off soon. but not before i finish blogging of course. so anyways, about today:this morning, went to school, nothing much, saw sabby while heading towards the first big gate only to realise they didn't open it. Was quite unhappy with that cause it cause much inconvenience. So anways, reached there pretty early, oh ya, along with karin we headed towards the canteen, sabby had her dose of coke, then we went back to the class and i caugh up with cheryl, told her a few stuff and we went in for lessons. Phy remedial was alright, at least i understood, which was a bonus on my part, so ya... and guess what, halfway through the lesson, the skies turned dark, and there was soft rumbling of thunder, and i prayed soooo hard it wouldn't pour cause otherwise i'd have problems getting out cause i forgot my umbrella! and to our dismay, it rained cats and dogs, it was SOOO heavy!!! wrong timing totally. initially mr soo said he'd give us lift to the side gate bus stop but there were so many pple who wanted to hop on so in the end, me and sabby just ran in the rain. it was quite fun, but dangerous cause we headed down the slope, the stairs were way too freaky. waited at the bus stop for some time, then took 29, dropped the next stop and crossed over. and sabby and i were totally drenched, and i was shivering pls, and about to be late for lessons. which i should NEVER be. anyways, the 12 didn't take long to come so i hopped on and i arrived about 5 mins late, and i discovered my sis was in a worser condition than i, so bad tt my teacher loaned a pants for her to change out into. haha. tomorrow is a few days to mr quah's death anniversary. a year has flown by so quickly, and all that he's said, done, stays so close in my heart. i guess tommorow would be 1 solemn day for everyone, and send mr quah our deepest gratitudes for protecting us from above. k, got to end here, dozing off already. see ya soon! good night everyone! Friday, July 29, 2005Today was an alright day, just that i was super tired, not sure why, i ran 3 rounds of the field and i was exhausted. It shouldn't be like that, not good at all. I guess i might want to train next week. hm...So anyways, it was badminton again. Followed by math lecture etc etc, and i'm glad i survived the last 2 periods of today, which was 3 consecutive periods of chem tutorial, cos we didn't have any practical to do, not sure why. So anyways, i went to the hall to find mei yi after that, and called cheryl to find she screwed up some stuff, then played a few balls and went to find her. We stayed in the library till about 4, then left the school, went to macs at t mart, and studied for a while before i was called home cause i had to go for dinner with my cousins from England. Walked back from the coffee shop around Holy Trinity, which was about a 15 mins walk? and we were simply brisk walking, my cousin who was walking beside me walked so fast, so i had to catch up right, was perspiring a little, but i guess it helps to take off some calories... so i'm home now, and was thinking bout my conversation with val in the lab, kinda funny but a food for thought for me really. She asked me what kind of guy do i really want, and i mean duh everyone wants a perfect guy but that's like impossible lar, just like how we can never be perfect girls... haha... so anyways, the kind of guys i like? can't say, its for me to know and for u to find out... haha! how cliche but i mean my bestest buds will know for sure, like how i know what kinda guys they go for... haha! and what she said was really true, i always look forward to wanting to know someone better but before i can do that, i cloud myself with all the negative characteristics i find out first, and its not like i specially find means to find out their bad points but its the stuff i do that makes the bad points show.. how dumb right. haha. oh wells, maybe that's the way its meant to be, maybe its a form of self protection, so i won't fall into the "love" trap, and maybe that's why i won't ever get into a relationship, anyways its not as if i'm a boy magnet so ya, i think its better this way. haha. ah wells, whatever it is, i just hope that at the end of 2 years, i'll end somewhere i WANT to go, and not just any course that i can enter in the uni. okay, guess i'll end here. take care peeps! *hugz* Thursday, July 28, 2005seriously its hard being the middle man, its not like i don't want to be, its just so hard to please both sides, i mean, u try to compromise and all, then u find ur efforts go down the drain, u're upset, frustrated but they don't really care, then the person u expect to be more understanding is not that way, so basically, everything's screwed up.haiya, wadever lar, anyways, 2mr's going to be an ultra boring day, and i haven started on my tutorials yet... shucks.. gtg now... bye everyone! Monday, July 25, 2005today was a tiring day, though i ended school early, guess it must be even more taxing for those who end a 4.10. We had the badminton open today, and the beginning was kinda hazy cause everyone didn't know what to do and all, and there were other inter-fac matches such as basketball etc going on at the same time, so things weren't going as well as planned, but anyways, a rocky start didn't have a bad ending, i mean the course of the match went quite well, except that the ending was rather abrupt cause we didn't expect the matches to take that long, so ya. Initially, after the knock out round, we wanted another round with the remaining 3 groups, but everyone was restless and some already went home, so we had to postpone it till tomorrow. umpiring's quite fun, though u really have to keep ur full energy on the game, otherwise u'll be totally off track, then u'll get killed.okay, now to yesterday. Yesterday we had the photo shoot for my paternal side. Everyone was present so it basically added up to 24 in total, huge ain't it? and the studio was obviously not wide enough, but computer does all. :) Despite all of us being rather grown up and stuff, it was still a challenge to get all 24 people looking right. and the poor photographer, he looked so worn out. his eye bags looked as if his eyes had been punched, sympathised him so much. and he looked so much cuter the last time i went there with my family, yesterday, he was just like a human panda bear. so poor thing. hai, and my cousins were saying that he was shy, i mean he isn't, there's just so many people. poor thing, can't help but feel sorry for him. erm, the photo shoot process wasn't too bad, there were shots of my grandparents and their kids, and the grandparents and the grandkids, which was way cool, i'm going to get i think a 5R size pic of the big picture and the grandkids pic, so i shall show off when i get it soon! haha, but i looked horrid lar... okay, moving on, i realised later that night that my cousins and i totally have no frequency link, it was so odd, i mean like this cousin of mine whose the same age as me was yakking away with my british cousins while my siblings and i just sat there looking retarded. was quite unhappy bout that but oh well, some stuff u just have to keep inside to keep peace and harmony right.. okay, so oh ya! i forgot to add something today, someone said i was cute after the badminton open. haha! oops... anyways, there're some stuff i've always been unhappy about, but how can i tell her. everytime i try to tell her, she blows her top and thus, everyone becomes affected, whether u were in it of not, then she'll start self pitying, argh, whole lot of crap. k gtg, dozing off ready... haha... ciao! Saturday, July 23, 2005
Friday, July 22, 2005okay, don't ask why my title of the entry's like tt.... i just happen to have that song ringing in my head while i was walking home... sheesh. anyways, today was alright, SPE was erm, okay, but i seriously PERSPIRED cos we did footwork. had i known earlier we were just doing badminton today, i wouldn't have bothered wearing my running shoes. haish. oh wells, things always happen when you least expect it to right...so it was break than math lecture, which was alright, but the teacher was erm, quite irritating, she keeps "insulting" the notes in a way, i mean the person who prepared the stuff fro teachers to lecture, and she keeps saying "personal preference personal preference" sheesh, wanted to box her. haha... no lar, not so violent. Haven't been online for a few days huh... i wonder how's everyone doing so far? good i hope. training on weds was a killer, well not really, cause mei yi and i left early, but i reckoned we would have to do shuttle runs or something if we've stayed longer and anyways, we had to go home and finish up our work, and come to think of it, i still owe mr lim my econs essays. oops. let me continue, so weds was fine, got sent home... haha, and somthing odd happened, shan't say it here, not too good. hahaha.... thurs was tiring. SUPER tiring, last chinese lesson with our class, no more S12 peeps from that day on, they'd be taught by another teacher, whilst S11 and S13 still remains together. i like the HOD of chinese, she's way cool. she makes me listen in class, though i don't mind ms mak, but seriously that teacher really caught my attention. so i hope she takes us for a longer period of time... haha! then oh ya! PE, goodness, u know how much i dropped in my timing, i was like jogging through my shuttle run and my sit and reach deproved like hell, and can u imagine, i can't even touch my toes ready, so can u imagine it when it's getting worse. sheesh. i think i grew too fat, can't do sports properly, man, gotta get back that flat tummy, or sort of flat tummy i had before man, super devastated. haha... so that's about all, nothing much going on right now, and ya... i'm just living the way i always do... take care all! Monday, July 18, 2005hm... hai.. i don't know how i should put it. i mean i'm clear minded now, but so utterly sad. disappointed. i won't say devastated, but i'm shattered, seriously. i feel like i've cheated myself, like as if i've given myself false hopes, and disappointed myself. how stupid and silly. haha... you might be guessing why i say that, i mean its like my gut feeling telling me its not meant to be. i mean having spent time with scruffy today, its like a huge knock on my head to tell me get out of it! initially when i got home, i felt quite happy, cos i felt like i was enlightened, but then, it was like cheap thrill, it lasted only for a while then i realise how really upset i was, but i was burying it in all the thoughts that finding out may be a good thing after all, how ironic, urgh. i think our communication will end soon. real soon. i dread it, i wish it never ends, but how could it be right? i already felt it so strongly today. oh man. how sick. i dread they day we stop talking, but then, i want it to come quick so i'll be less hurt u know?hai... i'm so super LOST though clear minded. i don't know what to think. sheesh. signing off. l love, carlene got this poem from somewhere.. And if the night runs over And if the day won't last And if your way should falter Along this stony pass It's just a moment This time will pass. Saturday, July 16, 2005just had the parent teachers meeting a few hours back. the talks were amazingly interesting, probably cause they were short and sweet and for once, the "pea" (principal) sounded logical and rather amusing... haha.the tea reception wasn't too bad, i didn't eat though. then it was the parent teacher meeting session. my mum went to see mr soo first, he didn't say anything bad about me, except that he caught me sleeping in class a few times and my parent's weren't surprised. haha! oops. oh, so u should be wondering what 330 means right? it actually means my position for physics in the whole level out of 600++ pupils taking physics. so its about half, and my parents thought it was rather atrocious, but i found it rather surprising. haha! erm.. so following that, my mum wanted to see my c.t mr lim, but there were just too many parents that she decided not to see him anymore. yuppie!!! so anyways, i saw many many parents waiting to see mr lim, but no pupils... haha! and i could see numerous concerned parents, which was quite an interesting sight to see... haha! okay okay.. anyways, scruffy dropping phy, quite sad bout that, but what to do, its his choice rite.. ah wells... gtg now... ciao! = i wonder why i'm doing some things to myself, i don't know why i'm heading towards that way, its as if i'm bringing things unto myself. how crappy. sometimes i think i'm over-reacting, but how i wish things were the way i hoped it to be, but then, the reality is always opposite. i'm scared of being hurt, who isn't right? but argh... i need to control myself, i don't want to lose it, not now. how i wish i could read the future, so i know if what i'm doing is worth, so i know if i should stop now, but i can't. how i wish i knew the answer so that i wouldn't have to live in the agony of guessing what's going to happen next. but that's just the way our life is isn't it? ah well, let me just take it as we get hurt so as to make us stronger in future, but how i wish we didn't have to learn this way.= Friday, July 15, 2005Today was alright, tiring to some extent cos i didn't sleep very well last night. But nevertheless, i was trying to perk myself up throughout the day. =) had p.e in the morning, heard bout the change in faculty system. felt quite odd though, cos i was just sitting not far away from scruffles, and we were smsing... quite dumb arh... haha... anyways, sabby got elected(or more like i sabo her) to be the p.e rep, but she willingly obliged, quite surprised at that cos i was feeling quite bad for sabotaging her, but oh wells, i believe she'll do a great job. =) oh, the 2nd part was funny, after we "elected" sabby, the guys rounded the discussion up with "electing" darrell to be the assis. p.e rep. haha... that was hilarious, it was as if for once, the class could agree to something in unison.so that was p.e, then came math lecture, GP and econs, nothing much, except that mr lim didn't come for econs, so mr loke took over and handed out results slip for the common test, and he's remarks for me? "Li Xuan is outgoing and cheerful. she sometimes get distracted in class. she will achieve better results if she pays more attention in class.". now the last parts made me mad, i mean hello... how much does he know me, and its not like i don't pay attention in class. i do, just that sometimes i look away once in a while, but that doesn't mean i'm not listening, its just i can't bear to look at his face that's all. hope my mum doesn't get cheated by him tomorrow when she sees him. *prays* next, came the killer. the chem spa was seriously a killer for me. maybe cause i didn't revise which i think is the reason, but my brain just wasn't functioning. i couldn't even do the calculations. how heart-breaking... i seriously screwed up this spa assesment, and it just had to be this actual assesment. argh! so moving away from that, i attended an overseas cip briefing just now, and the video was moving, especially when they left, its always the case. we estabish a form of relationship there, then we go. despite the many many language barriers they encountered, they still managed to leave a legacy behind which was amazing. when i first saw the presentation, i asked myself, am i up for this challenge, will i be able to do to the best of my ability to help the people there. will i whine and moan, and be complainy cause all these things are just unacceptable there. but then, i really want to give it a shot, because i like helping people, and this is the stepping stone to experience something out of my comfort zone, where i can no longer depend on my parents, and where i have t bring my tolerance level up to its max. and i'm willing to go that extra mile. =) the chances of being able to go are slim, but i'm going to give it a shot. and like the teacher said, i hope they pick the best people to go.. having said that, i think i'm done with updating, just 1 last bit. sometimes, we're blinded by this thing that covers us from all the beauty in this world in the simplest ways. sometimes we keep wanting more and more, and we never know when to stop, sometimes we don't even know what we want, and keep pushing things away, and only know the loss when its really gone. i'm confused, my buddies tell me some things i have to try on my own to understand, to get the feeling, but i'm afraid, i'm so afraid of getting hurt and therefore i keep guarding myself against certain people. i know there's this thing inside that makes me want to go for it, but my mind keeps telling me to pull away. i've never felt so lost before, lost in such a way my thoughts are all haywired, i can't think straight which is scary. i never felt like that, and not for so long. its near a month i'm feeling this way... oh man. i want my thoughts back in place. was talking to scruffy on the phone just now, felt kinda odd at first but after that i loosened up cause i was quite clear i guess? was quite OKAY talking to him lar, but he found it quite awkward as he told me later on, and his reason? maybe cos we don't know each other well enough yet. i mean duh rite... we just started talking like how many days ago? sheesh... but okay lar... oh wells... i know some classmates of mine are unhappy, sad, disappointed with themselves, but we know ourselves better than anyone else, and when we don't do well, we can blame no 1 else but ourselves, but i do feel for them, especially the remarks by mr lim. so curt and unthinking. i doubt he even gave a thought to how the parents would react when they see these comments. i hope they're alright. okay, shall end here. ciao! Thursday, July 14, 2005okay. i'm quite over with scrffles ready, for mainly 2-3 reasons.1. he changes target easily 2. he likes someone ready, or at least i think so, but i'll rather i keep it as he likes someone ready. 2. he's a sweet-talker. so, i therefore pronounce, i'm over srcuffles. or at least, i'll keep him as a friend inside me. hehe. so val will no longer have to hear all the nonsense from me. haha! i've quit tuition ready, so ya, shall work hard on math. i really want to do well. :) k. end here. ciao peeps! take care! Wednesday, July 13, 2005today was odd. i was kinda high for a period of time, and i shan't elaborate. later i hua chi again. haha! oops... so anyways let me continue...i visited the science center for our learning journey today. initially, i thought it was erm, boring? cos i mean its the SCIENCE CENTER. how interesting can it get right? so anyways, kinda dragged my feet there, and i didn't get to see my scruffles before i left, was quite sad bout that, but anyways, played poker cards on the bus, on the way to jurong. the trip seemed rather short. and i finally understood a BIT of bridge.. as in the game. so we got there and discovered we got cheated. at first they said that we were going there to watch a movie, but the fact is... we just went there to spend time away! hmph! angry bout that but in the end, the trip was worth while. let me continue first... so anyways, we arrived at about 3++? and we were all starving. so after entering, we decided to go eat since anyways there wasn't any movie. then, we had to report back at 4.15, which means that.. we only had about an hour to walk around the whole place? thus, my friends and i gobbled down the food and rushed to make our trip worth the while. we started walking and got more amazed as we walked further in. caught up with the rest of the class, and erm... had laughs, and had to keep an eye on sabrina cos she was forever out of sight. the place i enjoyed the most? this "frozen shadow place". the place was rather creepy, but super cool. here's how it goes: first, u press this big green button, then enter, and face this white screen and pose! then in about 5 seconds, this bright flash light will go off and capture that moment of ur shadow, and man... it was way cool. haha. we kept posing and posing and laughing and laughing that i saw this man(whom i think was in charge of that area) peeking in and giving the "what are these pple doing" kinda look. but heck, it was just too fun. hehe. so that's bout all for my trip to the Singapore Science Center. We arrived back at sch at about 5p.m. rushed to the ladies the moment we unboarded the bus. then we went over to watch the inter-fac basketball competition. was hoping to erm spot my scruffles, but not there! sob... but oh wells, it was "fun" spotting pple we knew? haha. okay. so i shall end here. take care everyone! *hugz* Tuesday, July 12, 2005i got a BIG ANGEL PIG today!!! thanks to my 8 girl classmates, namely val diana xianhui eileen wenting siow wen chin shyan and sabrina. thanks girls, and i was really touched by the extra effort to add those lovely wings to the pig. thank u soooo much. i also want to thank sher chua, cheryl, mei yi, and minfeng for their pressies, really loved it a lot, and to someone who gave me this paper rose, it was really nice, i'm amazed he did it.. haha. but yes, i'm touched. haha...oh ya... 3 SISTERS!!! look here!!! we're going out this sunday rite, i was thinking of using the hopping on train method. what do u all think bout going to orchard, or bascially to town lar... how bout it? or u all want to stay in the east? tell me k... anyways, i was thinking of the hopping on train method rite, so can all of u be at ur respective train stations at 2p.m this sunday, then we'll start calling when i board the train... okie? good... see ya! so today wasn't anything much, just that i was sooo worn out i actually fell asleep during GP. felt really guilty bout that. so anyways, other than that, lessons were prety much boring, and oh wells, i just wasn't really in the mood. my thoughts were constantly flying... *chuckles* die.. i think i'm going nuts.. and my thumb hurts, can't type properly... sheesh, must be all that rowing.. keke.. i'm going to the science center 2mr!!! how "exciting". sigh.. oh well, for the sake of econs, i shall just go. and miss training. better remind mei yi to confirm on the celebration of june and july babies thing. so.. 2mr is a dreaful day. no chinese. and 2 periods of econs in the morning!!! how bad is that. sigh... okay okay, i'm done. to all whose getting sick, whom i see many around.. take care!!! and eat ur meds. (u don't want me to nag at u right...) =) tata! Monday, July 11, 2005happy brithday to me.. happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me... happy birthday to me!!!i'm finally 17, and really touched by all those who remembered this little birthday of mine. :) thanks peeps. come to think of it, i'm rather amused. i remembered last night at around this time, my first sms came in, and it was from my classmate eileen... haha, i was smiling to myself, i mean it was so early! haha... following that were well wishes from my other friends, some of whom i never expected to remember... but i'm truly deeply touched. but somehow, a little part of me still aches, the person i hoped to remember my b'day actually forgot, oh wells, as long as i don't forget his, i guess its alright. but it still hurts right.. haha. i love all the pressies. thanks u guys. oh ya, so today tpjc had the sea sports carnival, wasn't as lively as the heats i found, everyone seem quite restless... hm... but i laughed a LOT today, thanks to sabrina.. haha.. my class came in fourth for the dragon boat race, though i was slightly disappointed, but i knew we all did our best. :) and that 3rd sis of mine, tt cheryl tang, said some outrageous stuff, wanted to slap her i tell u, but since it was my birthday, like always, i decided to let it go... haha! oh ya, did i mention that in some of my smses, my friends told me i had to be more mature... hmph, i am okay... haha! oh, and in another 1, pearly told me to stay forever cute... which means... i'm cute!!! haha... okay okay enough crap, so anyways, they(my class) wanted to celebrate my birthday through dinner but my pals weren't going, so i figured i might as well not go... so i didn't... but anyways, all the heart felt wishes were already enough to make my day... =) oh right, on this special day, my friend SYUHADA is also celebrating her birthday.... HAPPIE BIRTHDAY!!! and a great happie birthday to all those born on this day as well, may all ur wishes and dreams come true, and may u be blessed in all u do... take care... love ya! so i guess some may be wondering how i spent my birthday dinner with my family right... actually, i just had simple porridge at home. haha... in fact, my parents kinda forgot today was my birthday. my siblings likewise. somehow, i expected that. haha. hm... so i'm done with my birthday entry! nothing much. oh! i think i forgot to say i failed my chinese main paper. a turn off, but at least i passed overall! haha... okie... tt's all for me. take care pple!!! *hugz* Saturday, July 09, 2005my cousins are back in S'pore from England. just went for a dinner with those cousins and my uncle's family(my dad's younger bro). i felt kinda awkward cos i basically had nothing to talk to them about, i mean it was like a totally different frequency, and i felt underdressed actually, i was like wearing shorts.. oops. so anyways, i really had nothing to talk about. amazing right, first time carlene's shutting her mouth. haha. okay, so anyways, i'm back home now, and erm, waiting for my eyes to close on me. wanted to do my chem corrections, but i guess i'm too worn out.its 2 more days to getting 1 year older. i'm not excited, i don't know why, i mean, in fact, i never really do get excited. oh ya, feeling kinda guilty in fact, 2 people asked me out for a meal cos they wanted to treat me, but i'm just to packed, and i wouldn't want anyone to waste money on me right, so ya, thanks for the invitation anyways, so sorry i can't make it. i was thinking back on my 1st 3 months life in SR, and i remembered this statement my friend made, it went something like "i don't want to spoil our friendship" and i heard another similar statement on TV the other day, and i finally figured out what it meant. it was actually something to do with relationship stuff, like when u know some1 likes u and u don't really return the feeling, u say that statement. when 1 of my friends said this statement at first, i couldn't comprehand the meaning, cos i was thinking, "getting into a relationship will spoil the friendship meh" but now, i finally see the power of it. saying this statement is like saying "i have a perfect friendship with u, and i don't want anything to spoil it, especially not when it comes to relationship stuff", or something like that. so readers, u might want to take this statement out of my rubbistic updates... haha. oh ya, i nearly forgot, here.. i should wish 2 of my friends HAPPIE BIRTHDAY!!! Ba0 zHu's on the 8th of July, and MiNfEnG's one today! may all ur wishes and dreams come true, and may u be blessed in everything u do... take care! love ya always! *hugs* to bz: hope u like the pressie me and mei yi gave u. and to mf: hope u like the pressie i gave u... =) oh ya, having said that, i've been into this nosey business nowadays... trying to match make people here and there, but no headings yet, so anyone needs help, carlene's on the way!! haha! here's a song by kelly clarkson entitled "beautiful disaster": He drowns in his dreams An exquisite extreme I know He's as dumb as he seems And more heaven than a heart could hold And if I try to save him My whole world could cave in It just ain't right It just ain't right Oh when I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster His magical myth As strong as with I believe A tragedy with More damage than a soul should see And do I try to change him So hard not to blame him Hold on tight Hold on tight my cousins are back in S'pore from England. just went for a dinner with those cousins and my uncle's family(my dad's younger bro). i felt kinda awkward cos i basically had nothing to talk to them about, i mean it was like a totally different frequency, and i felt underdressed actually, i was like wearing shorts.. oops. so anyways, i really had nothing to talk about. amazing right, first time carlene's shutting her mouth. haha. okay, so anyways, i'm back home now, and erm, waiting for my eyes to close on me. wanted to do my chem corrections, but i guess i'm too worn out. its 2 more days to getting 1 year older. i'm not excited, i don't know why, i mean, in fact, i never really do get excited. oh ya, feeling kinda guilty in fact, 2 people asked me out for a meal cos they wanted to treat me, but i'm just to packed, and i wouldn't want anyone to waste money on me right, so ya, thanks for the invitation anyways, so sorry i can't make it. i was thinking back on my 1st 3 months life in SR, and i remembered this statement my friend made, it went something like "i don't want to spoil our friendship" and i heard another similar statement on TV the other day, and i finally figured out what it meant. it was actually something to do with relationship stuff, like when u know some1 likes u and u don't really return the feeling, u say that statement. when 1 of my friends said this statement at first, i couldn't comprehand the meaning, cos i was thinking, "getting into a relationship will spoil the friendship meh" but now, i finally see the power of it. saying this statement is like saying "i have a perfect friendship with u, and i don't want anything to spoil it, especially not when it comes to relationship stuff", or something like that. so readers, u might want to take this statement out of my rubbistic updates... haha. oh ya, i nearly forgot, here.. i should wish 2 of my friends HAPPIE BIRTHDAY!!! Ba0 zHu's on the 8th of July, and MiNfEnG's one today! may all ur wishes and dreams come true, and may u be blessed in everything u do... take care! love ya always! *hugs* to bz: hope u like the pressie me and mei yi gave u. and to mf: hope u like the pressie i gave u... =) oh ya, having said that, i've been into this nosey business nowadays... trying to match make people here and there, but no headings yet, so anyone needs help, carlene's on the way!! haha! here's a song by kelly clarkson entitled "beautiful disaster": He drowns in his dreams An exquisite extreme I know He's as dumb as he seems And more heaven than a heart could hold And if I try to save him My whole world could cave in It just ain't right It just ain't right Oh when I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful Such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster His magical myth As strong as with I believe A tragedy with More damage than a soul should see And do I try to change him So hard not to blame him Hold on tight Hold on tight don't be mistaken, that's not a word, its actually a combination of my grades. first, let me scream... I GOT D FOR ECONS!!! u know, econs is like my highest out of the 4 a level subjects, and its the 1 with the most concepts i don't understand. how ironic right. sheesh. i was like jumping in my chair when i found out i had 27/50 for my econs. i was AMAZED. seriously, i thought i counted wrongly or soemthing, i kept recounting the marks over and over. oh man, i really gotta thank God for helping me in this, but of course, there's a price to pay, and that's E for math and chem. *sobs* and O for phy. *wails* haha... oh wells. i'm still on a FULL time nerd schedule. :) okie, shall end here for now... look at the time, i should be in my beauty bed.. haha! okay okay. take care one and all! love ya! Thursday, July 07, 2005oral was screwed up today. seriously, and it isn't just any oral, its the actual oral. how sick. urgh. oh man, i feel so bad about this. i think i need to do reallly well in order to pass chinese with acceptable grades. haish.sad lar. HAI. oh wells, never mind. k now, going to see the restrictions for this coming intra-school badminton open.. hm... okay... end here. tata! Wednesday, July 06, 2005okay, from today onwards, i'm gonna become a FULL time nerd. damn. so far from all the grades i've got back (phy, chem and math)... its an O E E. How pleasant for the eyes huh. sob.so i've decided... no more part time nerd. its a full time job for me now. (though i wonder if i have the self discipline to sit down and study) just take now for instance, i should be doing some other stuff rite, i'm still like here updating my blog? sheesh. HAI... damn sad. quite disappointed for math and chem. i expected over 50 at least? hai... oh well, i guess i didn't study hard enough. man, today was a heart breaker. ah wells. we all have to learn and move on right. my mum didn't seem very surprised at my results, i think she kinda expected it? oops. so anyways, i seriously need some motivation, never seen E's in my life, Os too... okay. no use brooding over it, though i'm still sad. but, let's all work hard together! jia you!!! *been thinking a bit today, i use to think i could analyse stuff quite well, i mean at least acceptable, but then, seriously i don't know what's wrong with me these days, i can't seem to think straight. not the kind of me i use to be,i mean in the past i could be clear and pretty much confident about my advices... but now, i seem to be so muddle-headed. and i kinda hate myself now, i think i'm becoming more bitchy, damn. how i dunno. urgh. got butterflies in my stomach. don't feel good at all... uh-uh. okay, so much for thinking. but they're some stuff which been on my mind. haiya. dunno lar, feel so segregated, can't even think straight, wad more think deep rite. argh!!!! i want the old times with my 3 sisters when i can finally think straight. hai...* Monday, July 04, 2005i watched initial d today!!!!! finally....watched with my sis at Eng Wah Suntec. oh man! the show although lacked some form of content, but it kept me hot on my seat.. it was exciting man, especially the racing parts, and the guys were cute!!! haha! for once, i can say that jay chou doesn't look too bad, not in the movie at least... felt quite sad at the ending though, i hope he went back with the girl... and i hope that stupid "uncle" of hers don't ever pester her again. and they guys were cute!!!! argh!!!! okay, so i'm suffering from an after effect, i think i can go watch the show again... hehe... *chuckles* ah... *smiles blankly*... oh shucks, better get back to real life, if only they were real life in front of u right, just imagine how the girls will melt... aw... *shakes head* okay okay... real life real life... haha! okay... so gave tuition just now... and i'm sooo dead cos chinese orals r coming in just 2 days? and i've yet to master the art of speaking accurate chinese. how consoling. SIGH. *i've been thinking quite a bit these days, i wonder if i'll ever screw up my life so bad i'll never be that happy go lucky me again. sometimes, i don't know what i'm doing. feels so odd. i'm glad i have best friends to always support me. kinda muddle-headed now. can't think rationally. urgh.* i watched initial d today!!!!! finally.... watched with my sis at Eng Wah Suntec. oh man! the show although lacked some form of content, but it kept me hot on my seat.. it was exciting man, especially the racing parts, and the guys were cute!!! haha! for once, i can say that jay chou doesn't look too bad, not in the movie at least... felt quite sad at the ending though, i hope he went back with the girl... and i hope that stupid "uncle" of hers don't ever pester her again. and they guys were cute!!!! argh!!!! okay, so i'm suffering from an after effect, i think i can go watch the show again... hehe... *chuckles* ah... *smiles blankly*... oh shucks, better get back to real life, if only they were real life in front of u right, just imagine how the girls will melt... aw... *shakes head* okay okay... real life real life... haha! okay... so gave tuition just now... and i'm sooo dead cos chinese orals r coming in just 2 days? and i've yet to master the art of speaking accurate chinese. how consoling. SIGH. *i've been thinking quite a bit these days, i wonder if i'll ever screw up my life so bad i'll never be that happy go lucky me again. sometimes, i don't know what i'm doing. feels so odd. i'm glad i have best friends to always support me. kinda muddle-headed now. can't think rationally. urgh.* Saturday, July 02, 2005i didn't do much today, except for attempting to memorise my 3 pieces for drama exam, but to no avail, at least i managed up till 2.. hehe... so anyways, had a debate with my mum just now, she claims that i'm selfish, i don't care about her, i won't care about the family when i grow up, i always spend away her money(which is to a certain extent true), she says i'm not smart so i've got to work harder and that my siblings are smarter, that i'm basically, all in all, not a good dughter.okay, i admit, i'm not, i mean, there isn't a guideline on "how to be a good daughter" right? But i'm trying... does she see? nope. When she's ill, my bro's always there, okay, so he always hugs her, asks her if she's alright, and because i come home late, she's already at rest so i ask my bro about her, but she doesn't know, but i never did care because as long as she's okay, who cares what i do to find out right? But no, she want me to ask her personally, she wants me to awake her from her rest just to ask "are u okay" and after that, she'll ignore u cos she's sleeping and doesn't want anyone to disturb. How ironic right, and she never admits that she's wrong. She says i don't appreciate her, and always complain. oh come on, who doesn't complain tell me. But above all these rantings and complaints, i still appreciate her for what she is, just that i never made it known. what for right, she never asked for it, and she doesn't want it from us anyways. as long as my bro licks her boots, alls well. i don't get it, must everything be on the surface? i mean... argh, i don't know how to phrase it, but all i know is that i WON'T leave my parents under the care of my siblings, and i've been taught well in school, so i know what's filial piety, sometimes i can't stand the way she says things, so curt, so discouraging and unkind, and she says we're mean to her, i wonder whose the 1 tt's mean pushing all my self confidence to its minimal. just yesterday, i was talking to a classmate and we started talking bout how we feel bout the rest of the classmates, and he said i lacked confidence; i was at a point disappointed, but then after today i got it. how, just how can you have any confidence under a mum who never praises u, praises ur brother in front of u, never says a good thing about u, practically everything in life is planned by her, and she bascially says a demoralising thing about u every other day. sheesh. no wonder i have no self confidence. oh, but then again, how can i blame her right, every mum's got their style of upbringing and i guess tt's just her style, and i know she's trying to be a good mum, probably more inclined to the "reverse psychology" kinda style. ah wells, u just gotta appreciate what u have huh... so anyways, to my dear 3rd sister, don't be too upset.. strive and persevere, i'm sure u and clara will shine 1 day.. after all we're sacians right.. and we possess the peseverance, just like we always had back then... we'll all train and study hard together.. like me and mei yi.. we're trying hard too... (^-^) What I wish... How i wish sometimes u'd just listen How i wish sometimes i was born a better person, How i wish sometimes dreams would come true so we could all live happily ever after. My drive - my fairy tale dream. Friday, July 01, 2005hm.. today.. i went for the class outing! hehe...oh ya, wanna wish a BIG BIG HAPPIE BIRTHDAY to... 1) Si Hui! 2) Adeline! 3) Diana! 4) and.. Serene! May all of your wishes and dreams come true and the good lord always guide u in all tt u do. take care! *hugz* Class outing wasn't too bad today, though we took a super duper long time to get from 1 place to the other cos the group was big rite, i think there were 18 of us? not sure but its a big group, thus we took long. bought diana chocs and stuffed it into a pencil case that we bought from Op. We wrote on the plastic "fragile, pls handle with care. keep refridgerated", of which if anyone noticed, i spelt refrigerated wrongly... oops... So anyways, i think i've been a really mean person.. haiya! never mind... not good to say too much.. shall shoosh! hehe.. okay.. end here... take care peeps! especially my dear 3rd sis... poor child tt one... |